We have all encountered her. She’s beautiful, she’s intelligent, she’s gregarious and successful and, even more importantly, she is actually nice. And, no matter how hard we try, we just can’t bring ourselves to like her because she just seems a little too perfect. For centuries, women have been competing with each other for a myriad of reasons. Perhaps it boils down to survival of the fittest – an evolutionary process updated to the 21st century, to weed out the weak and homely to bag the best man, best job, best home and best wardrobe. Regardless of this, it ultimately beggars the question – why can’t women applaud one another’s success, admire one another’s beauty and support each other in both work and play?

Forget the days of bra-burning and men hating, our real enemies are of the fairer sex. Sasha de Marigny asks why.

The dawn of feminism brought with it tales of a supposed sisterhood – a mythical bond between women that stood against the stranglehold men held on basic rights and the career ladder.  However, what women didn’t realise was that with the opening of the flood gates came new waves of competition whereby previously, women competed over maintaining a beautiful home, being an excellent cook, good mother and wife as well as looking their best, they now had to somehow juggle all of this and become a successful career woman on top of it all. The unfortunate part is that it appears that a lot of women didn’t rally around to help their ‘sisters’ in their revolutionary quest for equal rights; instead they began to plot ways to get one-up on one another. To add to this, it seems that society at large has always derived a thrill from pitting women against one another. Think Betty & Veronica in the Archie comics, Krystle and Alexis on Dynasty and gossip columnists’ claims about actresses not getting along on set. The catchphrase ‘frenemies’ (meaning girl friends that are enemies) was even born out of the bizarre phenomenon that is the catfight. So let’s cut to the chase here. There’s no scientific, research-based answer to this gender dilemma, it simply amounts to a matter of feeling threatened – an involuntary, ingrained reaction connected with one’s own inadequacies and the fear of losing one’s relationship or one’s job to someone else. The question is, where does it spawn from?

With the birth of the supermodel came the media’s obsession with beauty, that’s a given. However, despite its contribution to a general feeling of inadequacy, I refuse to beat the old, battered drum that believes women feel insecure about the way they look because the media has constructed it as the solution to keep your man, be successful and to really have it all. Consider the trashy TV shows such as The Swan that champion the theory that making a woman beautiful acts as a giant plaster to make her life perfect. Any woman with common sense would know that isn’t true. One only needs to consider the recent Tiger Woods saga or even look to the likes of Christy Brinkley, Sienna Miller and Halle Berry to know that being beautiful doesn’t equate to having a faithful partner. Before you think this is going down the all-men-are-cheating-dogs route, I’ll be clear in saying that I don’t believe that. A woman’s insecurities, complacency and lack of self worth are also mitigating factors to the demise of a relationship and successful career.

Consider this…your partner shares a work space with an unattractive woman. Do you ever give her a second thought? I’m guessing probably not. Now, let’s switch it up. Your partner shares a work space with a woman who is drop dead gorgeous. Suddenly, it’s a problem and you begin to think of things that would make her less of a threat- for example, she may be gorgeous but she’s probably stupid, promiscuous or has no personality. But what if she isn’t? What if she’s exactly the sort of woman you’d befriend? And, if she was your friend, would you be as worried about her being around your man? No, because we trust our friends and know that they wouldn’t dream of stealing what is ‘rightfully ours’. And that’s the problem…we fear the unknown, particularly if the unknown happens to be a goddess in stilettos and a tight skirt. Cheryl Cole is a case study all in her tiny little self. She is a gorgeous, successful pop star with a best-selling solo album and lucrative TV career to boot. Despite all of this, her husband still managed to cheat on her with a rather trashy hairdresser. Jude Law cheated on Sienna Miller, a model and successful actress, with his children’s plain-Jane babysitter. So when did beautiful and successful women become the enemy? Or is it just women in general that cannot be trusted? If this is the case, there is a moral pandemic infecting the national psyche if we believe that men are incapable of resisting temptation and therefore it is up to other women to control our man’s fidelity.  I am no chest-beating feminist, but surely women should respect themselves enough to know that if their partner cheats, surely he is at fault for making the choice to be unfaithful instead of vilifying ’the other woman’?  There are always exceptions, but so often women have let men off lightly while ‘the other woman’ is branded a home-wrecker or slut.

These insecurities fuelled by social misbeliefs not only pertain to matters of the heart, they are also trickling down the career ladder. Yes, competition in the workplace is fierce, particularly in the current economic climate. Women are still earning smaller pay packages; there are fewer high-powered positions available to women and, to add to this conundrum, there seems to be a societal belief that women have a sell-by date.  Owing to this, a great deal of women feel threatened by the young, up-and-coming hotshot in fear that she may nab their job. Their solution? Instead of damning the draconian idea that a woman’s worth on the work force expires after a certain age, the up-and-coming young career woman is made to pay the price. It isn’t fair game. Naturally there are women who do try to use their favourable appearance to their advantage, but all women shouldn’t be tarnished with the same brush. There also happen to be women who misguidedly believe that thinking like a man is the only way to succeed in the business world. It seems that it’s not always easy for many women to find the right balance. Perhaps it is the female trend to deal with things subversively. Women will often gossip in the canteen behind one another’s backs, roll their eyes, make catty remarks and attempt to recruit other people onto their ‘side’ to justify their insecurities before they attempt to address the issue head on. Maybe this is because if they do address the issue head on, they’re accused of being a bitch or a ball breaker. What’s a girl to do?  I find myself pointing a finger at society for subconsciously advocating these beliefs but I, too, cannot help but call out my fellow womankind on the fact that they’re allowing this mode of thought to perpetuate. Only the other day did a women roll her eyes and say to me, “Do you know so-and-so goes to the gym every day?” as if it made the evidently fitness-conscious girl a bad person. To put it simply, women are ludicrously critical of one another.

So with the breaking of a New Year, perhaps it’s time for us to re-evaluate the way we conduct ourselves towards our sisterhood and try to bring about the very change we seek in our own small way. Work for a society that believes that men and women exist equally as human beings independent of their sex.

Strive for a workplace that applauds promotion based on merit and hard work, not on the gender or sexual appeal of the candidate. Ensure your relationship is based on trust, and love yourself enough to want nothing but the best for yourself. And finally, without sounding like Tiny Tim, be a spokeswoman for the advantages of being nice and supportive to your fellow woman in place of pointing fingers at one another.  Discourage the growth of insecurities in both yourself and your female counterparts and know that you are more than your job or your looks or your clothes. Celebrate our worth as women and spread this positive outlook among your female friends, family members and colleagues to ensure that sisters really are doing it for themselves now, as well as for the women of the future.